Decision-making
Walking toward the gift
I walked along one of my favorite fields of flowers after work today. The blooms are nearing their final spread, as the autumn leaves will soon replace them. I made a big decision this week, after months of fits and starts on it, knowing eventually I’d have to make a move. I’ve shared often with my friends over the past couple of years how much I hate making decisions.
I fear I’ll choose wrong. I feel like I don’t have a great track record. I wonder if I’ll regret it later and I assume it’ll turn out poorly. I’m tempted to believe that I usually end up disappointed or hurt, so why bother trying for something? And mostly, I’m just plain tired of making hard decisions where it feels like there are no clear good answers.
It’s so much easier to keep track of the losses rather than the wins, or to see the absence of what I wanted rather than the presence of the gift. I think that’s what I’ve come to love so much about walking amongst the trees and the fields. There’s always a gift, and it’s often in the smallest or quietest thing. A bird flitting along the branch, a bloom opening wide as if to shout its beauty without saying a word, the wave of freshly dampened woods as I breathe deep.
“The one who trusts in himself is a fool, but the one who walks in wisdom will be safe.” — Proverbs 28:26
When a decision comes back with a sting or a doubt later, it’s natural to question our wisdom. Did we act rashly? Did we miss a sign? Is this some kind of punishment? But safety isn’t secured by the outcome itself. Success doesn’t prove wisdom. Wisdom comes as we walk in the Spirit and lean hard into the comfort of Christ’s presence. I’m safe in my decisions, not because I reached the pinnacle of knowledge or understanding, but because I’m trusting the God who holds all things together by the power of his word (Colossians 1:17). Saying yes to an unknown future can feel impossibly risky and stop us from doing anything at all. Yet, it’s the with-ness of Jesus that propels us forward, helping us take the next step. It’s the wisdom of drawing nearer to him in the midst of decision fatigue (or confusion, or frustration, or whatever it feels like for you) that keeps us safe.
Whether you’re making a hefty financial investment, weighing career options, or discerning if you can commit to that person in front of you; you may always wonder “what if?” in the back of your mind, or face painful circumstances as a result of that decision. But you are safe, and you are kept, and you are loved, so go ahead and walk.
