There are only a couple of things I’ve discovered can bring rest and comfort to my soul when it’s weary or troubled. One of those is being understood, but I am aware that it means something different to each person you ask. I think what we are after when we say we want to be understood is really that we want to not feel alone in not being understood. Most of us would probably resist the companionship of someone casually telling us they exactly understand, but we do know well the discomfort of isolation when we feel misunderstood.
When we aim at being understood, we can end up with unrealistic, even demanding expectations that no individual can possibly meet. We desire understanding, but at the core of that desire is more so the longing to hear another person say, “I won’t leave you alone in this. I’ll be here, however long it lasts.” When life is full of uncertainties, heartaches, and lingering problems, the with-ness of another alleviates the tension a bit.
Many counselors, teachers, and authors have expanded more broadly on the benefits of community and the dangers of living cut off from others. But we all know the experience of being physically present with others and yet feeling alone or disconnected. We also know that genuine companionship requires a measure of self-sacrifice, in ways that fluctuate throughout the passage of time and various circumstances.
When suffering comes close, or when darkness threatens our peace of mind, we need a compassionate (and objective) witness. Sometimes, being with another, serves as a doorway into the comfort of God. I am convinced, increasingly so, that our presence is a sacred act. It’s been said that we are never more like God when we forgive. In fact, so many people have said it, I found it impossible to source the original quote. I’m not going to argue whether or not that’s true, and I typically steer clear of sweeping statements that lack nuance or have been used to dismiss the profound pain of life’s complexities (especially the horrors of abuse and trauma). But what if we image God best — or most clearly — when we offer one another our loving presence, our with-ness? He created the universe with his presence as the Godhead, three in one. And in that creation, he brought up man from the dust and immediately provided him with companionship, elevating the reality that presence in community,1 being with one another, is essential to human survival.
The with-ness we are called to as image bearers is something we see throughout the psalms, both in times of hardship and celebration.2 Jesus modeled presence for us during his time of earthly ministry, as he remained with his disciples to offer calming reassurance3 and as a means of sharing in joyful friendship4. But similar to Jesus, who sought to be restored and refreshed by the loving presence of his Father, we too must attach to a power outside of ourselves in order to experience a renewed capacity for presence. If we want to remain with others, to offer loving presence, we must receive it first.5
I kind of cringe when I hear or read the word community because of its’ overuse and misuse in church settings. But, I also realize the value of the term when we are seeking to think about what it represents in most contexts and what most people mean by it.
Psalm 44, 47.
In Matthew 8 and Mark 5, we read of Jesus calming the storm on the sea.
In Luke 5 and 10, we read accounts of Jesus responding to invitations to banquets and home visits with his disciples and others in the community.
John 15 provides a rich reflection on abiding in the Father’s presence, his love, which enables us to abide with (love) others.
Thank you for these thoughtful and encouraging words! You have a special gift for writing!💜